Putting my mind at the ready...

I'm ready for my fill on Thursday.  I'm starting to lose the hunger battle.  Not in a horrible way, but I have gone from conquering it for losses, to fighting it for status quo.  I hate the thought that my choices of WHAT to eat are going to be limited, but I can't fight this anymore.  This is why I got the band in the first place.

I'm in the zone, so I know it is the right thing to do.  I got my Creamy Chicken Divan Soup recipe all printed out and ready to go for the weekend.

Today, quite strongly, I feel the hampster metaphor.  Back on my wheel, I hop.  Run, run, run.  Squeak, squeak, squeak.  And yet, I never seem to get anywhere.  I hope it doesn't sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself.  It isn't that.  I'm just truly starting to understand what fighting something "for the rest of my life" feels like.

I knew that I would always have to fight this.  I did not go into this like some, thinking that this was a magic answer.  But I do think deep down, I thought eventually it would be easier.  I didn't even think it consciously.  But now, three years out, it is still just as hard as day 1 and I feel disappointed.  And I know that if I let go for an extended period of time?  I would be right back AT day 1.

I'm not going to do that. Even if I didn't lose any weight this week, I worked out six times and we all know that is good for my body, whether it weighs the same or not.  So, net-net, I'm doing what I need to do. 

I'm a little nervous today, because I'm going to try my running program again.  That isn't a big deal except, I will have to run 2 minutes at a time instead of 1 minute.  Again, no big deal except that I'm trying to increase my pace.  I'm SO S-L-O-W.  I don't mean to be.  I push myself as hard as I can.  I'm just slow.  So I have increased my normal pace by 2 tenths.  That doesn't seem like much, but when you are already doing the thing that you feel like is the hardest thing for you to do...2 tenths feels like a sprint. 

I don't know if I can run 2 minutes at a time at that pace, 10 times.  But I'm going to try.  And if I just can't do it, I will adjust.  I haven't decided how exactly, but I will figure something out.  And I will keep doing it over and over until I can do it at my pace.  Then I will move to the next step.  It might take me all damn year, but I'm going to do this.

In the meantime, I'm getting all sorts of good cardio! 

Also, I feel pretty today.  It won't last all day, but I'm having a pretty morning.  And I'm going to keep fighting until that feeling lasts!