I'm ready for my fill on Thursday. I'm starting to lose the hunger battle. Not in a horrible way, but I have gone from conquering it for losses, to fighting it for status quo. I hate the thought that my choices of WHAT to eat are going to be limited, but I can't fight this anymore. This is why I got the band in the first place.
I'm in the zone, so I know it is the right thing to do. I got my Creamy Chicken Divan Soup recipe all printed out and ready to go for the weekend.
Today, quite strongly, I feel the hampster metaphor. Back on my wheel, I hop. Run, run, run. Squeak, squeak, squeak. And yet, I never seem to get anywhere. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. It isn't that. I'm just truly starting to understand what fighting something "for the rest of my life" feels like.
I knew that I would always have to fight this. I did not go into this like some, thinking that this was a magic answer. But I do think deep down, I thought eventually it would be easier. I didn't even think it consciously. But now, three years out, it is still just as hard as day 1 and I feel disappointed. And I know that if I let go for an extended period of time? I would be right back AT day 1.
I'm not going to do that. Even if I didn't lose any weight this week, I worked out six times and we all know that is good for my body, whether it weighs the same or not. So, net-net, I'm doing what I need to do.
I'm a little nervous today, because I'm going to try my running program again. That isn't a big deal except, I will have to run 2 minutes at a time instead of 1 minute. Again, no big deal except that I'm trying to increase my pace. I'm SO S-L-O-W. I don't mean to be. I push myself as hard as I can. I'm just slow. So I have increased my normal pace by 2 tenths. That doesn't seem like much, but when you are already doing the thing that you feel like is the hardest thing for you to do...2 tenths feels like a sprint.
I don't know if I can run 2 minutes at a time at that pace, 10 times. But I'm going to try. And if I just can't do it, I will adjust. I haven't decided how exactly, but I will figure something out. And I will keep doing it over and over until I can do it at my pace. Then I will move to the next step. It might take me all damn year, but I'm going to do this.
In the meantime, I'm getting all sorts of good cardio!
Also, I feel pretty today. It won't last all day, but I'm having a pretty morning. And I'm going to keep fighting until that feeling lasts!
What an inspirational post. I love that you feel pretty today!! This makes my day.
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